


bought matching diamonds for six of my bitches

by doingthemost



Series: paper rings and picture frames and all my dreams [3]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Inspired by an Ariana Grande Song, Marriage Proposal, Post-Canon, Shopping, Song: 7 rings (Ariana Grande), Twyla Sands' Freckles, an accidental advertisement for Tiffany & Co, say crack again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27126881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doingthemost/pseuds/doingthemost
Summary: “Okay,” Alexis says, winking with both eyes. “I mean, yes, my new ring is technically an engagement ring. But I couldn’t help myself. I had to buy it! I just thought, like, who better to promise myself to than myself?”“Um,” Twyla says. “Me? Your girlfriend?”The day before Alexis and Twyla fly home to Schitt's Creek for the holidays, Alexis goes on a very expensive shopping spree at Tiffany & Co on her lunch break.
Relationships: Alexis Rose/Mutt Schitt (Mentioned), Alexis Rose/Twyla Sands, Patrick Brewer/David Rose (mentioned), Theodore "Ted" Mullens/Alexis Rose (mentioned), Twyla Sands/Mutt Schitt (Mentioned)
Series: paper rings and picture frames and all my dreams [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986454
Comments: 12
Kudos: 56





	bought matching diamonds for six of my bitches

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wanderinghope](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderinghope/gifts), [singsongsung](https://archiveofourown.org/users/singsongsung/gifts), [sonlali](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonlali/gifts).



_They say, "Which one?" I say, "Nah, I want all of 'em."_  
\- 7 Rings; Ariana Grande

**Alexis.**

They’re on the plane to Toronto when Twyla first spots it. 

Honestly, she doesn’t know how she didn’t notice it earlier. It isn’t one of those huge, ‘fuck off’ diamonds that Alexis has talked about wanting, but it’s almost enough of a showstopper: a cluster of [tiny diamonds](https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/rings/tiffany-hardwear-ball-ring-GRP09705/) that come together to form one perfect sphere. It’s beautiful. She doesn’t doubt it’s also very expensive.

"Lex," she says, after they’ve buckled their seatbelts, nudging her girlfriend with her elbow. She tries a smile that’s intended to communicate ‘quizzical’ but feels like ‘indigestion’ on her face. It’s not that she thinks Alexis is cheating on her or anything – they’ve been together for three years, after all – but it’s still a little startling. "Where did that come from?"

Alexis holds her hand out, admiring the way it catches the light, and shimmies her shoulders. "This little thing? I may have gone shopping on my lunch break." 

"It’s on your ring finger," Twyla points out. She takes Alexis’ hand in hers, turning it so she can get a better glimpse of the ring. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

She’s expecting some kind of coy little glance, or maybe an extended ’no.’ They’ve had plenty of talks about marriage, and it’s something they both want, after all. But Alexis just beams over at her, bumping their shoulders together. 

"Okay," she says, winking with both eyes. "I mean, yes, this is _technically_ an engagement ring." 

"An engagement ring that I didn’t buy for you." Twyla studies the ring again, running her thumb over the diamonds. "And I don’t think you even had this on your ‘ring ideas’ Pinterest board."

"True." Alexis shrugs one shoulder, shaking her head and releasing the scent of her shampoo into the air. "Totally, definitely true. But I was at Tiffany yesterday and kind of just like, made a little beeline for it as soon as I saw it?" She gives Twyla a self-effacing little smile. "I couldn’t help myself. And I just thought, like, who better to promise myself to than myself?"

"Um," Twyla says. "Me?"

Alexis leans in for a kiss, lingering a little longer than Twyla would’ve expected given their setting, but she’s also learned to expect the unexpected whenever Alexis is around. "Maybe," she murmurs as she pulls away. "We’ll see."

* * *

**Patrick.**

As usual, they’re doing the holidays at David and Patrick’s. Once their four suitcases are deposited in the room the girls have come to think of as theirs, Alexis starts rummaging in each of her three suitcases, looking for something. 

"Did we leave something behind?" Twyla asks. She’s used to Alexis taking her time, so Twyla takes a seat on the guest bed and combs out her ponytail with her fingers.

"No, I – found it!" Alexis holds two blue boxes triumphantly in the air, each with a white bow tied around it. Before Twyla can interject or ask, she reaches for Twyla’s hand and tugs her downstairs. "Come on, it’s almost present time!"

Thanks to the Roses’ loose holiday upbringing, presents come fast and furious whenever the four of them get together. There are some during Hanukkah, a lot on Christmas, and ‘a few little things’ interspersed at random moments.

Now seems to be one of those times. Alexis gives Patrick a huge, tight hug, slipping one of the boxes into his hands. 

"Tiffany?" David says on a scoff. Twyla knows him well enough by now to read the jealousy in his sideways glance. "So overdone."

Patrick looks up at Alexis, a puzzled expression on his face. "Are you sure this is for me?"

"Yes! Of course." Alexis takes a seat in her favorite armchair, then pulls Twyla onto her lap. "Open it!"

He does, revealing two [sterling silver cufflinks](https://www.tiffany.com/accessories/cuff-links/tiffany-1837-makers-rectangle-cuff-links-in-sterling-silver-63448362/). Patrick whistles, turning them over in his hands while David watches him, hawklike and focused. "Alexis… This is too much. You really didn’t have to."

"Um," Alexis says, drawing it out for dramatic effect. "Of course I did. Anything for my favorite brother!"

* * *

**David.**

David takes the cufflinks from Patrick, turning them over in his hands and shaking them as though he’s panning for gold. "Alexis," he hisses. "These cost a small fortune." 

"I know." She smiles beatifically. "I _told_ you I was doing really well at work!" 

" _And_ they have our anniversary on them, and his initials." David hands the jewelry back to Patrick with a huff. "Is this like, a bribe or something? Some kind of blackmail?"

"Oh my _god_ , David." Twyla realizes then that Alexis has artfully concealed the second box between her thigh and the armchair, hiding it from plain sight. If she wasn’t so busy wondering just how much her girlfriend had spent at Tiffany over the course of a single lunch break, she’d be impressed. "If you really think you deserve a present, you can have the matching set."

"What? I mean, not that I _care_." David looks like he cares quite a lot, though, considering just how hard his eyes are scrunched up. "It’s just some overpriced jewelry. We’ll probably never use them, all things considered."

"Fine." Alexis picks up the other box, her other arm still around Twyla’s waist, and dangles it in the air. "I guess I’ll just give these to someone else."

David’s eyes fly open, and he swipes in the air to pluck it out of Alexis’ grasp. "Who else would you possibly give these monogrammed, _personalized_ cufflinks to?"

"I don’t know. Maybe Jake?"

"So glad you guys are home," Patrick says loudly to Twyla, both of them ignoring their respective Rose siblings. "It’ll be a great two weeks." 

"Of course," Twyla says brightly. "There’s no better time than the holidays for family harmony."

* * *

**Stevie.**

Another blue box shows up after Stevie gets settled in the living room, all of them equipped with their own mug of Twyla’s mulled wine. Twyla can’t help but glance sharply in Alexis’ direction as she makes the corners of the box do a little tap dance on the table; how much shopping did she actually _do_ during this lunch break of hers, and how much of their mortgage payments have now been invested at Tiffany?

"Stevie," Alexis says wheedlingly, walking the box in her direction.

"No. No, no, no." Stevie shakes her head vigorously, a gesture she’s seemed to pick up from the Roses. It looks entirely out of place on her, but it’s heartwarming at the same time. "Alexis. I don’t –"

" _Stevie_." Alexis holds a finger to her lips, then takes the lid off for her. "I know it’s not, like, very _you_ , but I know you didn’t celebrate at all when you landed that huge win for Rosebud! And don’t even like, tell me that it wasn’t really _your_ doing." Alexis beams across the table at her. "I know how little my dad’s working now, so you can’t even blame it on him."

Stevie wrinkles her nose, but reaches for the box nonetheless. Curiosity, maybe; Twyla knows she’s anxious to see what’s inside, anyway. And even though she’s never been as into shopping and big, fancy gifts as Alexis is, she’s feeling a little left out. She doesn’t even necessarily want or need anything, but Alexis has put so much thought into something for everyone else. It just feels a little unfair.

Meanwhile, Stevie’s biting her lip as she takes out a pair of [sleek sunglasses](https://www.tiffany.com/accessories/eyewear/return-to-tiffany-square-sunglasses-67215958/). She turns them over in her hand, then extends the legs. "Alexis," she says. "You're right. This is so not me."

"Oh, just put them on!" Alexis gestures insistently with a wrist, taking her phone out with another hand and setting it to the front-facing camera. Once the sunglasses are on, Stevie appraises herself in Alexis’ phone screen, one eyebrow raised.

"Okay," Stevie says after a moment. "They’re… they don’t look as horrible as I thought they would."

"Yay, Stevie!" Alexis is practically bouncing in her chair. "Besides, they’re like, the cheapest thing Tiffany sells, so, like. Don’t even worry about it!"

Stevie looks over at Twyla then, the sunglasses still on despite the fact that they’re indoors and it’s nighttime. "What did she get you?"

Twyla forces a smile. "Nothing! But, you know. I have her, and that’s the greatest gift of all."

"Babe," Alexis says, leaning sideways to kiss her cheek. "You’re so sweet. I love you!"

"I love you, too," Twyla says, meaning it fully. She loves Alexis, and she’s more than ready to spend the rest of her life with her. Silly, surface-level things don’t mean anything in comparison to what they share together. But her mind’s still wondering: _Where’s my gift?_

* * *

**Ted.**

Ted’s already in his favorite Café booth when they arrive for their coffee date, standing quickly to give them both the same kind of big, tight hugs that Twyla remembers from when they were in kindergarten. She knows the three of them have managed to do the impossible: all three of them have stayed friends even after the aftermath of Ted and Alexis’ breakup and when things between her and Alexis had started up. Ted has always seemed genuinely happy for them, even if Twyla can tell that his smile’s a little tight as they sit down across from him, holding hands.

Twyla remembers plenty of times in the past, before things had changed, when the three of them had claimed a booth here, and Alexis had been on the other side of her – with Ted. Alexis’ friendship had been enough for her to be happy even when she’d wanted more, but she’d never thought that fate would have led the three of them to where they are now. She holds tightly onto Alexis' arm under the table, and hopes she doesn’t come off as smug when she answers Ted’s questions about how great things are for them in New York.

"Before I forget," Alexis says, once the check’s on the table, taking out another blue box.

"You’re kidding me." Twyla’s eyes are wide, and she can feel herself frowning, but what else is she supposed to think? Alexis has now manifested _five_ expensive gifts, like a free-wheeling, Upper East Side Santa Claus in an unseasonably-short skirt. It’s not like they’re lacking for money, but Twyla doesn’t even want to know the price tags associated with each one. 

Alexis shushes her, then slides the box across the table towards Ted. "It is _so_ good to see you," she says earnestly. "And I am so grateful to have you in my life. Even though things between us didn’t work out, I wanted you to have this to remember me by."

It sounds a little like Alexis is on her deathbed, Twyla thinks, but Ted goes with it good-naturedly and opens the box. Inside is a [black leather watch with a turquoise face](https://www.tiffany.com/watches/mens-watches/tiffany-east-west-2-hand-42-x-25-mm-watch-36092262/), easily the most extravagant of all of the things Alexis has gifted. 

"Alexis," he says, uncomfortable. "I can’t accept this from you. It’s too nice."

"Ted," Alexis echoes. Twyla looks back and forth between them, as stunned as Ted looks. "It was nothing, really. I just thought it’d be a nice little souvenir. It’s even waterproof, so you can wear it when you’re, like, swimming with the little fishies!" Alexis pauses, brow furrowing, then adds: "But not in, like, a dead way." 

Ted frowns, glancing over at Twyla helplessly. They’ve always been friends, had grown up together, and Twyla thinks she knows exactly what’s going through his head: _I don’t want to come between you two._

Twyla smiles at him, trying to imbue the expression with a little more reassurance. She can tell that he needs it. _Don't worry; you're nowhere near to being in the middle of us._

"Thanks," he says finally. He gives them a rueful smile; he must be really shocked, Twyla thinks, if he can’t even manage a pun. "What a great gift. I love it."

Once they’ve settled their bill and gone their separate ways, Twyla moves her arm around Alexis’ waist. They’re quiet for a moment, the snow falling around them and dusting their shoulders and Alexis’ eyelashes, looking out on Schitt’s Creek together. Alexis steps a little closer, pulling Twyla in with an arm around her shoulders, and kisses the top of her head. 

"I love you, Lex." Twyla places a gloved hand along Alexis’ jaw, smiling up at her. "Even if you’re wearing stiletto boots and a skirt during a blizzard, and giving your ex-boyfriend expensive gifts right in front of me." 

"I love you, too." Alexis rolls her lips together, suppressing a smile. "And I don’t know what you’re talking about. It was just one teeny tiny trinket." She leans in, brushing her lips against Twyla’s teasingly, before going back in for a real, full-blown kiss. It’s freezing out, but Alexis is warm and comforting – even if she’s a puzzle to decipher on most days. They only draw away from each other when Ronnie, across the street, yells something about indecent exposure and they run back, laughing, over to their car.

* * *

**Mutt.**

"Can you actually take a right here? I just have one little thing I want to do before we head back." 

Twyla glances over at Alexis in the passenger seat, amused by the fact that her girlfriend’s acting like Twyla doesn’t know these roads – and who lives where – like the back of her hand. "Don’t tell me; you have a gift for Mutt, too?"

"Maybe." Alexis slides another box, bigger than the others, out of her purse. "Just one more little thing."

"Alexis." Twyla’s trying to sound stern, but the truth of the matter is that Alexis’ gift rampage has escalated to the point where it’s so completely, impractically absurd, she can’t even be jealous anymore. She tries to swallow a giggle, but it isn’t long before they’re both laughing. Twyla has to pull over on the side of the road, stalling the car, until she’s sure she’s controlled herself.

"How much money did you actually spend?" Twyla asks, once she’s managed to somewhat get a grip on herself.

"Umm," Alexis says with a cheeky little smile. They both know her Interflix salary isn’t actually _that_ good, but after Patrick had shown them how to invest Twyla’s lottery winnings in the stock market, their portfolio is very healthy. "I have the numbers on my phone."

"That doesn’t sound dangerous at all." Twyla says. It’s the holidays, though, and they have plenty of money. She’s still waiting for _her_ blue box, but this is far from the weirdest thing Alexis has ever put her through. Really, it’s sweet that she cares about so many people even though it’s been years since they’d left Schitt’s Creek.

Jocelyn has likely been over to decorate the outside of Mutt’s barn; it looks a hell of a lot more festive than Twyla’s ever seen it, anyway. He opens the door in a dark blue hoodie, surprised to see them both there, and scratches at his beard as Alexis launches into her little spiel.

"Okay," Alexis says, pushing the box towards him. Twyla brings one hand up to cover her laughter. "So, like, just hear me out! Even though this is totally not your typical mountain man fare, you’ve just always been so, like, supportive and kind to me."

"I have?" Mutt asks, opening the box to reveal [a silver and brass flask](https://www.tiffany.com/accessories/barware/tiffany-1837-makers-flask-in-sterling-silver-and-brass-63311928/). He raises his eyebrows. "You really think so?"

"Of course I do! Even if you weren’t, like, the best boyfriend to either of us." Twyla startles, aiming a sharp look in Alexis’ direction – wherever she’s going with this, she doesn’t need to be involved. Nevertheless, Alexis persists: "You know, like that one time you shaved your beard without talking to me about it first, or when you dumped us…"

"Is this some kind of revenge thing?" Mutt looks back and forth between his two exes, frowning. "It's not full of poison, right?"

"No," Twyla says firmly, grabbing Alexis by the elbow. "Come on, let’s leave Mutt alone."

"Happy holidays!" Alexis shouts over her shoulder as Twyla steers her out the door. "Good seeing you!"

* * *

**Twyla.**

"You’re ridiculous," Twyla says through her laughter, pulling Alexis in for another kiss. She’s very aware of the fact that Mutt can probably see them from the inside of his barn if he so chooses – it’s possibly a motivating factor for kissing her here instead of in the car – but she doesn’t care. 

There’s something about being home for the holidays that makes Twyla feel so content. She loves their life in New York, even if she hadn’t been sure she’d adjust to life in the city, but there’s something different about the air here. It’s snowing harder, the air full of the perfect kind of snowflakes that Twyla used to catch on her tongue when she was little, and she buries her face in Alexis’ scarf as they stand together outside of their car.

"We should get back," she says after a moment, reaching in her pocket for the keys. "You must be freezing."

"We should," Alexis agrees. She pulls away, but she doesn’t reach for the car door. Instead, she pulls one last box out of her pocket and, after sinking down onto one knee, beams up at Twyla. "But I have one more thing to do, first."

Twyla’s breath catches in her throat. Unlike the other gifts, this box isn’t made out of cardboard. Her heart’s pounding suddenly, loud enough for her to hear it in her ears, but she can still hear Alexis loud and clear. 

"Twyla," she says. She opens the powder blue ring box to reveal [a diamond ring](https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/rings/tiffany-victoria-diamond-vine-bypass-ring-GRP11347/) unlike any Twyla’s ever seen before: rose gold and studded with diamonds to create a series of vines. As pretty as the ring is, though, it pales in comparison to the woman holding it out to her. "There’s no one else I’d rather spend the rest of my life with than with you, no one else I’d rather have by my side." Alexis swallows, a tear falling from one of her eyes, and gives a nervous laugh. "I love you so much. Will you marry me?"

"Yes." Twyla gets down, too, cupping Alexis’ hands in her own. It’s so cold out, growing colder by the minute, but she’s in no rush to leave this perfect moment between them. " _Yes_. Of course I will. I’d marry you yesterday, I’d marry you today, I’d marry you tomorrow." She kisses Alexis, the ring clasped tightly between them, then tilts her head up to kiss some of Alexis’ tears away. "You’re so ridiculous, but I love you so much."

The ring’s the perfect size for Alexis to slip it onto Twyla’s finger, and once that’s done they retreat into the relative warmth of their car. Twyla takes her other glove off, staring down at her hands. The right one looks so boring now, compared to the left one, but she guesses that given the apparent return of Alexis’ shopping addiction, her right hand might not be so plain anymore.

"Is this why you went shopping on your lunch break?" she asks with a laugh, looping her arm through Alexis'. Twyla knows her eyes are still teary, but she doesn’t mind in the least. It’s just Alexis with her, after all. 

"Maybe so." Alexis is gazing back at Twyla like she’s her own personal Garden of Eden, a contented expression on her face. "I just saw so many cute things that I knew everyone would like, and I couldn’t help myself." 

"This is why you shouldn’t go shopping unsupervised." Twyla adjusts the direction of the air in the car, basking them both in warmth. "I thought we had an agreement about that." 

Alexis wiggles her head, rolling her eyes up briefly as she buys herself time. "We _did_ ," she says, "but this was a special occasion. I couldn’t go _with_ you."

"And you got yourself your _own_ engagement ring, too, so my job’s done there." Twyla feels like she’ll never be able to stop smiling; how could she not, though, now that she’s engaged to marry Alexis Rose? "You’re making life very difficult for me." 

"It doesn’t seem like you really mind, though?" Alexis leans in for another kiss, running her thumb along Twyla’s cheek, then adds, "But if you want to get me _another_ ring…"

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on Tumblr at alamborghini!


End file.
